I am pushing against ennui. Trying not to fall toward entropy. Not succumb to the rejection pile: grants and poems, donation asks and literary submissions all meeting with NO. Often polite, sometimes encouraging, other times sidestepping, but still “no”.
I feel oddly revealed writing this but I’m trusting two things, I’m not the only one, and saying it will break the spell of rejection. Not that they’ll stop, but that I’ll stop listening so loudly. All those no’s against just one yes (placing in a poetry contest). That yes gets quieter and quieter making me miss the crazy I left when I gave up my university job in order to center on centering work and spend my days in a more grounded way.
I know every writer, and every grant writer, knows that even a 1 in ten hit rate is success. If all I was after was success and listable products I am in the wrong place. I shifted my work so that I could truly be engaged in process, in creating, in doing things consciously and lovingly at a sane pace instead of rushing to meet someone else’s deadline, or make a plane to present another presentation.
I could list excuses here- but really excuses are besides the point. The only thing I can think of to do is put the virtual rejection pile in a virtual drawer, and keep practicing. Let each day walked with awareness and intention, and appreciation be the “yes”.