M. described it perfectly when she said “you are living your life just one inch to the side of where you want to be. ” One moment that seems like a great place to be; when taken in comparison to the speed at which I was barreling through my weeks less than a year ago, and then at the next moment it feels frustrating to be so very near and still not there.
I almost have the shape and tone that I want to compose the rhythm of my days; the balance of discipline and spontaneity, writing time and job time. But, I am just slightly off, sharp or flat, moving at 7/8 time instead of 6/8, just slightly out of step. My writing comes in short spurts, jagged edges that don’t quite fit together, even when the colors are right, even when the story starts to sing itself, I am not in sync.
It is making everything seem a bit discordant.
Perhaps I will just step out of my own way for the weekend. Let myself be caught in the world music festival that takes over Bloomington every year at this time. There are so many different types of music that perhaps my whole sense of rhythm will be redefined, and perhaps, just perhaps, I’ll emerge realigned.